Kia ora,

Asking for what you want feels like lying on a Shakti Mat for the first time: you know it’s probably good for you, but it’s undeniably uncomfortable.

But much like with a Shakti mat, it gets less uncomfortable (and even enjoyable) the more frequently you do it.

This week, you’ll read about how to get better at asking for what you want 💅

Estimated Read time: 4 minutes 55 seconds

The Deep Dive: How to Get Lucky 🍀

Asking for what you want is hard.

We’re told being pushy, demanding, or, god-forbid, promoting ourselves is an ick.

But as my dad told me back when I was swiping my way through Tinder suitors: it’s a numbers game.

You have to frequently ask for what you want to enter a collision path with success. 💥

So this year, I’ve been practicing asking for what I want.

At her recent Sip & Share women’s educational event, Rochelle Moffitt encouraged people to ask for help with something in their life, and any attendee who could help connected with that person.

I put my hand up and said I wanted to do more public speaking.

A few days later, Rochelle invited me to speak at her next networking masterclass in November!! (Highly recommend attending - tickets are here). 🤩

Here are a few other asks that have gone my way recently:

1. Getting pre-approval for a mortgage. The first broker I spoke to said I didn’t stand a chance. I went to a second broker who helped me get pre-approval. Shout out to Becs Parker!! 🚀

2. Negotiated a corporate fractional role that aligned to my goals.

3. Featured on 4 podcasts this year after reaching out to the host.

4. Had coffee with inspiring people I’ve connected with on LinkedIn.

So how did I get more comfortable asking for what I want?

1. I looked at other people who had achieved what I wanted, and thought “If they can do it, so can I.” If I had access to those people in my network, I would sometimes reach out if they had any tips to help me achieve my goal (people generally LOVE being asked for advice).

2. I looked at my own previous achievements and wins to remind myself as to why I was capable of getting what I wanted.

3. I gathered data — you stand a much better shot of getting what you want if you come armed with evidence. For instance, to make myself an attractive candidate for a mortgage, I prepared every known document well in advance of talking to a mortgage broker. If negotiating client fees or salary, I would ensure I had tangible evidence of results I delivered.

4. I practiced voicing the ask out loud. In some cases, I would even practice it on my partner for feedback. You want to ask with conviction, and it’s easier if you’ve rehearsed what you want to say out loud.

The caveat:

For every yes, there has of course been plenty of “nos”.

From unsuccessful client pitches, through to negotiating a fancy title and even attempting to buy a property at auction, I’ve failed a lot. 

But guess what?

Nothing bad happened with each rejection — and I still felt super proud of myself for shooting my shot.

Action of the Week:

Are you ready to get lucky?

This week, your action is to practice an ask.

Here are a few examples of small ways to practice asking for what you want:

• Want a better network? Invite someone new for a coffee or a drink. This could be someone at work, someone you’ve met at an event, or on LinkedIn. ☕️

• Want to feature on a podcast? Pick a podcast where your story could add value. Reach out to the host saying you’re a fan of the show and would love to share your story with the listeners. To help with your elevator pitch, feed bullet points about you and about the podcast into an AI tool and ask it to craft it into an elevator pitch as to how you’d add value to the podcast. This same approach could be applied to speaking at an event etc. 🎤

• Want to do a course or attend an education event, but the cost is prohibitive? If employed, ask your employer to cover the cost (provided it’s relevant to your role). Alternatively ask the event organiser or course facilitator if you can exchange labour for a ticket. This may not work for really big ticket courses, but for one day events etc. it’s worth a shot. 🤞

(A note: “asks” are a two-way street. Ensure you are giving back to the community who is giving to you in some way.)

Inspo & Recommendations:

LinkedIn post: “I sold my startup because I was no longer having fun” by Melissa Kwan

Podcast ep: How to be an Exceptional Leader (+ What You Need to Know about AI) from the Head of Google UK by Working Hard, Hardly Working

Learning: Jye Beckett’s Brand Positioning Email Series. Jye has awesome LinkedIn content, and has just released a free brand positioning masterclass via an email series.

Tech: Use Niram to estimate reading time. I use it for this newsletter, but it’s also really helpful for company newsletters or articles if your goal is to keep things quick to read.

Money: Put 24 hours between you and a purchase. It is SALES season. Black Friday, Spring, Christmas, Boxing Day etc. Sales are manufactured to make you believe there is scarcity. Few (if any) sales are only “one day”. Screenshot the thing you want, and if you still want it 24 hours later, maybe it’s worth it. Listen more about the psychology of discounts here.

Love from your business-minded friend,

Elise