Kia ora,

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Estimated Read time: 5 minutes 22 seconds

The Deep Dive: How I Broke Up with my Phone

Ever felt concerned about the amount of time you spend on your phone?

You’re definitely not alone.

Personally, my dopamine-riddled brain loves a notification the same way my mouth loves zesty guacamole (a lot).

One reason I’ve found solitude in hiking is because it’s a free licence to put your phone in aeroplane mode for days at a time.

The peace of mind one gets when you’re not bombarded with information via social media, emails, messages, notifications is unbelievable.

The problem is, no matter how good I feel on these phone detoxes, I always fall straight back into the scroll.

Last year, I decided to do something about it.

So how did I break up with my phone?

First, I looked at my screen time and saw the horrifying amount of time I spent on social media channels.

So I set a 45-minute limit across all social media.

However, I found I kept hitting ‘ignore’ once I overran my limit.

So I tried to hide my social media apps from my home screen. I’ve never had notifications enabled for social channels, but I hoped not seeing the apps would help me forget their existence.

But alas, after a day or so I would just swipe across to the screen they were located on.

It finally hit me that to break my relationship with my highly addictive apps, I couldn’t have them accessible.

First I deleted my kryptonite app, Instagram, off my phone. If I really needed to post something, I could redownload it, use it for the purpose I wanted, then delete it again.

However in my desperation for a scroll, I found myself turning to Facebook and Snapchat, which I swiftly deleted.

With only LinkedIn to scroll, I found myself turning to replacement apps. When I noticed myself turning to TradeMe for a soothing scroll, I realised how ridiculous I was being. This awareness was enough to prompt me to put away my phone.

With my screen time significantly reduced, I became more aware of how distracting notifications could be, no matter how innocuous. Nothing interrupts your flow like seeing a message from the group chat or an email with your latest power bill.

Since then, I’ve been using ‘Do Not Disturb’ during the work day, and when I’m having alone time (e.g. on a walk/run, at the gym, reading) etc. which has worked a treat.

The final sticking point of my phone relationship was scrolling first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The key to this was buying an alarm clock and having my phone on charge in the lounge.

So where am I at now?

My average phone screen time now sits between 2.5 – 3.5 hours per day.

I’m not interested in decreasing this further as my screen time feels aligned to my values e.g. keeping in touch with friends via messenger/WhatsApp, Google Maps, tracking apps for workouts and runs, LinkedIn for networking and business development.

What differences have I noticed since breaking up with my phone?

Upsides: 👍

I’m more present. If I feel bored, my phone isn’t really a great distraction anymore because it’s so boring. This means I tend to take more notice of the environment I’m in, such as interesting people or lovely views.

I’m more creative. Because I’m allowing myself to be ‘bored’ more often, I’m finding my creative brain is kicking into action much more. I’m coming up with more good ideas and innovative solutions to problems.

I feel less panicked. I never realised how much every notification caused a big spike in cortisol until I cut away the notifications and scrolling.

I’m more productive. Less overall screen time = more actual time. Less distraction via constant content consumption also means it’s easier to stay on task.

Downsides: 👎

The less I’m on my phone, the less I want to be on my phone. This means:

I’m incredibly slow to respond to messages on all social media platforms – even to friends and loved ones. I’m not proud of this, but I don’t have an adequate solve yet.

I’m doing less of the brand building stuff on LinkedIn and on Instagram than I know I should be for growing my business and this newsletter. Again, I’m not sure how to solve for this yet.

Action of the Week:

Wondering how to break up with your phone?

1. Get rid of notifications for everything possible. Especially work notifications.

2. Set limits to your apps. I think it’s possible to make the apps unusable after you ignore a few times.

3. If the above steps work for you, great! If not, delete the ‘non-essential’ apps off your phone. If you have to use social media for your work, you could consider having a cheap smartphone that you only use to manage these apps.

4. Notice your replacement soothing scrolls. Once your phone is a bit more boring, you might find yourself gravitating to other places to scroll. Take this as a sign to put your phone away.

5. Use ‘do not disturb’ when you go for walks, go to the gym or on runs, or even if you’re sitting down to read.

6. Use an alarm clock and leave your phone outside of the bedroom.

7. Notice when you reach for your phone in a moment of boredom. Ask yourself “what is the purpose of my going on my phone right now?” If you have no good answer, challenge yourself to put it back in your pocket.

8. Observe the difference you feel mentally after a day of low phone usage. Head clearer? Hold onto this feeling as it helps build motivation for continuing down the low phone-usage route.

9. Be patient. Breaking up with my phone was an iterative process that took months, and is still ongoing. It will take time, but every minute of screen time reduced is a minute of life gained.

Inspo & Recommendations:

LinkedIn post: “Curiosity before Challenge: how I messed up a meeting with an executive” by Kelsey Balimtas

Learning: Personal Values Assessment. I had to do this as part of a leadership course and found it super insightful.

Tech: Sunrise Alarm Clock. I purchased the most affordable one on the market and it does the trick - I feel MUCH less grouchy waking up.

Money: Apps that will level up your money - love this post by Girls That Invest!

Love from your business-minded friend,

Elise