Kia ora,

I ticked off a massive goal last week.

I’m stoked about the win now, but I encountered some pretty unexpected feelings of, well…post-achievement nothingness.

This week I cover why we sometimes feel flat after a big win, and what to do about it.

Estimated Read time: 4 minutes 51 seconds

The Deep Dive: Escaping the Hamster Wheel of Doom

In movies, when people achieve big things (business success, underdog becoming the champ, finally snogging their love interest since high school etc.), we see these visibly powerful emotional reactions and fireworks-worthy moments. 🎆

This builds an expectation that a “successful” achievement must automatically trigger these overwhelmingly fabulous emotions.

And if we don’t feel that way when we achieve a goal, we surmise that the goal clearly wasn’t “good enough”, or “big enough” to elicit that feeling within ourselves.

So we think that it’ll be the next big achievement that brings that feeling.

And so the hamster wheel goes on. 🐹

I bought a house last Friday. 🏡

After being told earlier this year that I wouldn’t have a shot of getting a mortgage, I found a second mortgage broker who was willing to help.

It took 3 months to get pre-approval because of my complicated different layers of employment and income.

Once the search commenced, I failed at auction, had an offer accepted on a cute place only to discover major water ingress upon due diligence, had 2 other offers refused, and spent $5k on building inspections. 🥲

Eventually, I ended up buying the very first open home I had visited, which I initially dismissed because it needed too much work. However, the vendor was keen to sell before Christmas so agreed to do some work to the bathroom and paint internally before settlement. 

After so many ups and downs, I was expecting the moment of purchase to be this big fireworks moment.

Big emotions, tears, whoops of joy, high-fives from strangers in the street etc.

But instead I felt kind of…empty. 🫥

And instantly my mind went “okay well, onto the next goal.”

This experience is sometimes called the “arrival fallacy”

Arrival fallacy is the concept that once we achieve X or Y, we’ll feel a certain way — like we’ve arrived. But when we achieve the milestone and feel differently to how we thought we would, we totally bypass the sense of achievement and move onto the next thing.

This is no way to lead a fulfilling life… 💭

So how did I escape the post-achievement emptiness? 🤔

1. The first step was to call a spade a spade. I acknowledged the way I was feeling and told my partner about it. 

2. The next step was triggering my brain’s satisfaction response: I went through and listed out loud all the hurdles I had overcome to get there. I had actually written down the goal of buying a property on my own as a goal, and I made a big ceremony of ticking it off and writing down “I am proud of myself.” 

3. Then I reminded myself of what I no longer needed to do: no more weekends consumed by open homes and poring over body corp documents.

   (That being said, body corp AGM minutes sometimes have some great tea. 🫖One I read said “Barry has been told to cease spreading conspiracy theories about the body corporate manager.” Another said “The occupants in unit XYZ have requested the side of the building be taken off so that all apartments can be made bigger.”)

4. I then started visualising my financial future as a result of this achievement long term, and then pictured myself cracking into renovations short term. 🔨

After spending time acknowledging the achievement, I felt that sense of fulfilment and relief I had expected to feel at the start. 😌

The cherry on top was being treated to mini golf and a celebratory dinner that evening.

Now I can safely say, I feel really proud of myself.

But this process was an excellent reminder that celebrating your achievements is essential to creating a sense of fulfilment.

Action of the Week:

What cool stuff have you done this year that you’re proud of?

Draw two columns, one with “Stuff I Achieved This Year” and the other “Why it’s Awesome”

List out everything small or large achievement you’ve done this year and write why you’re proud of yourself for it. 

For example, aside from the house, another thing I would write on my list would be:

• “I really put myself out of my comfort zone this year: started attending networking events, put myself out there on LinkedIn, built a community, negotiated contracts. I’m proud of the confidence I’ve built and the amazing people I’ve met who I never would have, had I not put myself out there.”

Read your list back out to yourself out loud. Allow yourself to feel proud of how you’ve grown over the past 12 months!!

Inspo & Recommendations:

LinkedIn post: “Marc Randall’s Definition of Success” by Stephen Bartlett

Podcast ep: How to Financially Thrive Throughout the Holidays - by It’s No Secret

Learning: She-Fi Web 3 cohort - haven’t signed up yet myself but considering it! Scholarships are available.

Tech: Google Calendar — recently converted from Apple calendar and I love the ‘month’ view Google offers on your phone. Much more functional.

Money: Booster Savvy - I’m with Booster for my Kiwisaver, and saw recently that they offer a debit card that does ‘round ups’, i.e. rounds up every transaction to the nearest dollar and the roundup amount goes into your Kiwisaver. Something on my list to try in the new year. (do your own research before using any financial product, this is not financial advice).

Love from your business-minded friend,

Elise